Reading The Tea

I spent a while walking around the cemetery on UO campus today, talking to myself out loud. I don’t think that anyone was within earshot. If they were, they probably assumed that I was talking on a cell phone ear piece. Little did they know… I find that graveyard to be a peaceful, clarifying place. By now it’s also full of tons of memories from my past, since I spent so many years living near it, as well as basically living at the music school right by it. The drizzle, the sloppy squishy leaves — all comforting and familiar. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about future life directions recently. Today I was hit by peace. Oddly, by the realization that it doesn’t matter. Not the past, not the future. Not to say that I don’t want to learn from the past or work for the future. But just letting go of it. Life is play. Even the really unpleasant, icky things in life definitely have taught me something. Every once in a while I am in a joyous detached state and can look back at myself with clarity. What matters to me? I definitely do want to have a rewarding, fulfilling career, but at a point, I have to say, “give me a break.” That’s a pretty crazy luxury. I also want to keep in mind that my family and friends mean the most to me. Can I have both? I think so. But I don’t want to mix up my priorities.