It’s always a bit odd to completely uproot and move across the country. Here I am, three years later, experiencing the disorientation again. It’s hard to feel settled. It’s also hard to believe in the last three years. There are many things about being back in the west that I’m enjoying — getting to see much more of some of my family, reconnecting with old friends, starting connections with new friends, rock climbing, hiking, breathing clean air, more dancing. I also miss a lot of my friends in NY like crazy. I also miss the centrality of NY culture. When you’re there you can at least believe that you’re in the nucleus of everything that’s happening. I have a bad feeling that no matter which side of the country I’m on I’ll be homesick for the other.
I’m also in a weird transition place where I’m trying to figure out what direction to head next. Hitting that late 20s point many of my friends seem to ask “Ok, what next?” Well, here I am, asking. I was talking to someone from my calculus class (Yes, taking a college class right now feels weird.) and we were discussing her full-time school, full-time job situation. She’s getting tight on money, and was wondering if she should load on an additional job, or take a term off of school. The overload reminds me so much of myself at her age. I remember thinking that it was just for now, just for college, then life would start. What a shock when I realized that a magic gong isn’t set to ring at a point, announcing the beginning of “real life.” Life is now. I’m once again at a cross-roads, waiting. But no matter what point I’m at, I need to remind myself that life is now. So there, self.
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